Gods key to happiness

    As I lay here in bed tonight, I realized that it is been almost a yearsince my last post. So much has changed in this last year. Since it was continuing to get sick and was having other issues in Colorado I decided it would be better to move back home. So here I am. I still continue to get sick almost monthly. In the past six months I've had at least six infections, bowel blockage that required major surgery where they also had to remove part of my intestines because of the damage, A case of meningitis and another small bowel blockage. On a positive note, I've moved into my own apartment and have been here about three months. However since I have been in out of the hospital so much I have actually only spent maybe six weeks here. But it is beginning to grow on me in the longer I spend here the more I enjoy it it. Now my bowel surgery was about six weeks ago. Because of this I am still recovering so I am taking a break from school and not working right now. Is both a blessing and a curse. I'm thankful for this period of rest that God is giving me. However I think I may soon go crazybecause I don't know what to do with myself if I am not sick or going to school.my melanoma has been removed and all is well with that. It is been about six weeks since my last chronic E. coli infection, and about a week since my partial bowel obstruction. at this point in time things are still a struggle. Even the smell of food makes my stomach hurts and makes me nauseous, but as with healing inside inside of my body I think it will also take time for me to mentally heal. At this point one of my biggest struggles is figuring out my new purpose in life for the moment. Since I cannot go to school or work I feel like my life is on hold. I feel useless and unsuccessful in someway. I am happy and a lot of positive things have happened to me in the last few months don't get me wrong, but now I just kind of feel like I don't know what to do next. Yesterday during my Bible study time I feel like God opened up my mind a little bit. 

Lately I have been trying to figure out a new way to content with my life. When I was reading first Peter verse  3:10 stuck out to me a lot. In it God says that if you want to live a happy life there are pretty much three key things that you need to do. Number one is keep your tongue from speaking evil. Number two, keep your lips from telling lies. And finally number three is to work hard at living in peace with others. Those seem like pretty simple things to do right? But think about it if someone comes to you and says something negative your first reaction would be to say something negative in return. God says that this is not what we should do in first Peter 3:16 it says...people who speak evil against you will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Jesus. In first Peter 3:9 he says... do not repay evil with evil. Do not retaliate when people say things about you, instead of pay them back with a blessing. That is what God wants you to do and he will bless you for it. For me in particular the first might be a very hard thing to do. I'm the kind of person that speaks my mind when I'm angry, so it is very hard for me to bite my tongue and not speak evil words. It also made me think about gossip. Just last night before I wrote this went to dinner with a friend and we gossiped about others. In today society I don't think that we realize when we gossip let alone realize the harm that I can do to others. Number two: don't lie. Sounds easy enough but I think a lot of people tell lies, even if they're just little white lies, without even realizing it. I think this not only applies to line your self but also if you lie for others. If someone asks you to keep a secret that maybe you shouldn't, or maybe to cover for them, or tell your parents alive for your sibling. When we live for others were not only buying for them aware also getting ourselves in the middle of the situation and a lie that we shouldn't necessarily be in. Especially if we are very sensitive or empathetic people I feel like lying may be more difficult. For instance if someone asks me a question and I don't want to hurt their feelings I'm going to be more apt to lie. Personally this is an area where I am trying to grow. If someone asks me a question I'm going to try to be honest with them. This means even if this lie is brutally honest and hurts their feelings. Or if telling other people this lie is in the best interest of the person or can even protect them from some kind of harm. 

Last commandment in the section of the Bible for happiness was to work hard to live peacefully with others. This made me think specifically of my family. As we live and grow up with our mothers and fathers and siblings I feel like sometimes we can lose sight of that. When you're high school teenager in your parents ground you you most likely will get upset or stop talking to your parents or some other kind of negative action that definitely does not help you lose face peacefully with others. In moments of fight and anger it's easy to get caught up and yell at your siblings and say things. This definitely does not help us live peacefully with them. 

Sometimes living these three rules can even get in the way of our friendships or other personal relationships. because by living this way we have to stand up for our beliefs. Recently I was forced to stand up for my believes in a social situation and has caused fights or other problems with people that I care about. Some people are angry with me because they don't agree with my decision or my beliefs  that these decisions are based upon. The answer to this struggle in my life came to me in first Peter 3:14. For whatever you suffer for doing what is right, God will reward you for it. So do not be afraid and do not worry, instead you must worship Christ as Lord of your life and if you're asked about your Christian faith always be ready to explain it. But you must do thisin a gentle and respectful way. Keep your conscience clear then if people ask or speak evil against you they will be ashamed when they see what a good life you live because you belong to Christ. Remember that it is better to suffer for doing good  (if it is gods will) then it is to suffer for doing wrong. My go for tomorrow will be to consciously remember these three rules and tried to keep them in mind with every interaction and everything I have to do. 👍 

blessings and courage, 

McKenna 

stress with the new semester

back to the regular routine of school! AS I take on a new semester of classes I have also encountered some new problems with my health insurance. Normally this wouldn't be such a huge issue but I was supposed to have my spinal injections for pain which I now can't get, as well as go to get the rest of my suspicious mole removed before it turns into something more. I found out that Medicaid has moved me to Medicare and so now I need to find a separate plan for that. Not being able to get these injections means that I am able to walk less and less. for instance, today I stood and walked around while I baked a batch of banana bread and I was sore enough to sit in my wheelchair for the rest of the evening. On a positive note, I am super excited for this semester because I finally get to start student teaching. I am so excited! I am loving all of my classes so far and I think they are giving me a better understanding of my educational process as far as IEP and that sort of thing go. I'm still trying to find a good balance between schoolwork and my personal life but I am just putting it all in God's hand. Also I think that since I am enjoying these classes a lot more I will have more motivation for the semester. The constant prayers and words of encouragement from my stairwell girls and friends are a great help to me! especially when I am having a rough day, which I seem to a lot lately. I am using these times of hardship to grow closer to God. Since being in a lot of pain lately I have been laying around and taking it easy. Spending a lot of time alone means that I have had more time to spend with God in prayer and meditation. As I talked to my mother this evening she encouraged me that God wouldn't give me my problems if I couldn't take it.

Where I am at right now

                    My name is McKenna. I am 20 years old and I have spondylolysis and spastic Cerebral Palsy. despite all of these medical challenges, I am determined to live life to the fullest! I have graduated high school, and am now attending college in Colorado (13 hours away from where I grew up). I wanted to start a blog to show others (especially those my age) that living an independentand fulfilling   life is possible. Now, I didn't say it was easy, but it is possible! Since I am now living on my own I have experience many high's and low's in my life. I have learned new ways to do things by myself and be independent and been humbled while I realize my personal limits. 
                 My whole life my parents have always supported me in all that I wanted to do, even if they didn't always agree with it. So when I told them I wanted to move to Colorado for college they were a bit nervous and skeptical, as any parent would be when their oldest leaves for college. They tried to convince me to go to a school close to home, But for me it wasn't as much about the school's location as it was being away and proving my independence. I knew deep down that if I stayed close to home I would remain dependent on my parents in ways that a typical college freshman wouldn't. As a young woman faith I decided to pray about what i should do and to just put it in God's hands. During my senior year I was listening to a christian radio station when I heard them mention Colorado Christian University. 
              After hearing about it on the radio I looked at the school online and I thought it looked simply amazing! I applied and got accepted along with a few other colleges, But I immediately decided to go to  CCU, I didn't even preview the campus before this.  Once I toured the school in March I just knew that this is where God wanted me to be. 
           So here I am loving the college life! Plus I am learning to be a woman of God along the way. What could be better?!